Prayer for Help

Dear Father…

This will be the first of many letters.

Letter to help bridge the communication

A bridge that I broke, but it needs to be repaired.

I’m not sure how else to do this.

Feels like I’m so far and I need to come back


Why does it feel like the further I run, the more I’m drawn back?

Why is it that I will make a thousand steps forward and make ten thousand backwards?

Why am I in this constant loop of running, running, running

Why am I fighting it?

What is wrong with me

What stops me from just settling at one place and being happy

Why am I constantly running?

Running from responsibilities

Running from relationships

Running from knowledge

Running from happiness

Do I crave sadness so much that I am constantly seeking it?

Am I not satisfied with love

Or being loved

Am I my own enemy of progress

Always sabotaging myself and my goal.

Where am I going wrong?

I come across as this confident, independent woman.

But no one sees beneath the mask.

The pain I feel every day.

The loneliness I fear even with a myriad of colleges and acquaintances.

The tears that cannot be shed

The insecurities hidden beneath my jokes

Does no one seem, or do they not care?

God… are you there

Do you hear me when I cry for forgiveness?

Coz, sometimes it feels like I’ve run so far from you can’t hear me.

Like my voice is being swallowed by the winds of sin, I keep committing.

I am not worthy, but will I ever make you happy.

Who am I in your world

What is the path I should be taking?

Coz right about now, I feel like I’m just hovering in a desert.

Walking aimlessly

Like a read being pushed where the water wishes to blow it

How do I get back to You?

I’m sick