Have you ever been sick and tired of being sick and tired? I have, and I am right now.
I'm going to be as transparent as possible here... I keep looking at myself and just hating what I'm becoming. I don't know if there is a better way to word that but, yah. I think part of it is that I feel like I have become so boring; I don't travel anymore, I don't go out or party anymore, I can't even tell you the last time I did something fun or spontaneous, I don't really do anything but school, extracurriculars, work and the occasional business activity here and there. I feel pretty, but I'm looking at clothes every day, and I wouldn't say I like the way they fit. Like I don't think I'm ugly or anything, I feel less attractive.
I hope that I can look back at this a month or a year from now and see a turning point in my life. I guess that's that.resolution to make a youtube channel and get started making some digital media of sorts, and I keep procrastinating on everything because I don't like what things look like on me. I promised I would be more consistent with my Instagram, but if you look at my feed, you can tell how little I post, but I have so many pictures on my phone I wanted to post.
I remember like a month ago, I walked in my room from a shower and almost burst into tears because I looked at my boobs and thought, "wow, I really look like an improper fraction right now." Add insult to injury. I had a random guy on Instagram send me a DM about how I handle all that junk, like really. Even writing this brings a little tear to my eyes because I know for me to get to this point is so far from what I was 3 years ago. I wasn't thin, but I was happy with where I was. I knew I could hop into a store and get any clothing item with no problem, but today, honestly, that's not a guarantee anymore. I shop in the plus-size section now, me. All 4.11ft of myself now wearing a size 16-18 fam, that is mad. No please don't get me wrong; there is nothing wrong with being plus size and healthy; own that boo. My problem is that I am obese at 23.
I have no idea how I got to this point, but I know something has to change, and it has to change today. I can't keep making excuses anymore; I need to get up and get things done. I can't run right now, but I can swim or walk or eat healthy. I really don't need motivation; I need to learn to be more disciplined (Podcast: take my own advice and do it)
I hope that a month or a year from now, I can look back at this and see a turning point in my life, and I guess that's that.